ok guys, this is the chorus to the new weezer song.. ."pork and beans" its awesome... weezer is great... check it.

"I'mma do the things that I wanna do
I ain't got a thing to prove to you
I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans
Excuse my manners if I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like
I'm finally dandy with the me inside
One look in the mirror and I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot about what you think"

music.

hmm. music, how it can stir up thoughts, feelings, smells, ideas, memories, tears, laughs, hate, love, happiness, joy, bitterness, hunger (?). no matter what, music is a universal media to express a feeling. with lyric or not. music moves me in a way that nothing else can. music is art, in my opinion, my favorite art. i enjoy finding new artist, and becoming inspired in thought, writing, even living life. listening to music energizes me. no matter how slow or sad it is. it hosts an unexplainable energy that "pumps me up" per se. i'm not too sure what it is, other than God blessing me with happiness anytime i hear it. music is my most favorite way of worshipping him, second is just sitting and enjoying His creation. those two make me feel so close to God, i can almost smell Him. oh my to be that close to smell my God! one day, i will be that close, one day, i will never stop praising Him. OH WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY!

mmm. this blog went in a completely different direction than i intended, i was going to ramble about memories, and when i listen to songs how it stirs them up and junk like that. but i have a feeling that's enough for the night. it is 130am. and i'm being texted... maybe i should try to sleep like normal people do? but i'm not so normal... i've been told by some that i'm the weirdest person they've ever met. (score!). yeah... i strive for weird and awkward... haha. sooo yes... this is it.... ummm enjoy? and yes, i'm fully aware my grammar is terrible. i apologize for the pain it caused your eyes.

ohhh... please enjoy being a pirate.

on death.

Today was a beautiful day, had some Chinese, played with some ladybugs and went to the mall. Oh Heather and Carmen, you guys make my life.

I realize its almost five, gross! That means I'm stuck in traffic for atleast an hour. I barely have any gas, so on the way home, it was windows rolled down and no acceleration that was too crazy. I'm driving down my street and I pass my cousin, only to find out my great uncle has died. I don't enjoy solemn news like this. This is all still very fresh. I didn't know he wasn't doing so well until last week, my mom has been gone a lot and come to find out she's been at his house. The last funeral I remember going to was June of 2004, my Papa's funeral. I hate to recall that day, it is still so fresh in my memory, he was like my second daddy, I loved him so much and now he was gone. 

Anytime anyone you vaguely know dies, its harsh. Its brutal, to think that they will never be seen in this lifetime again. My great uncle was fairly young, I'm thinking he was almost 60. And to think that he's not here anymore, wow. Sad. 

I'm not looking forward to going to the funeral, I don't like funerals at all. I know he's gone to heaven and has no more pain, but to think that his family won't see him again here, thats hard.

Today has been shaken by the inevitable... I can only imagine those who have no hope deal with such a tragic occurrence. 

beautiful.

Um, I'm still sick. Kind of. Headache, nose-stuffed up and sound kinda funny when I talk.

However I had to sing tonight, for a dinner. The campus pastors at UNCC go to my church, and the guys in the praise team at UNCC like my voice, and wanted to do Hosanna by Hillsong. (which is no easy feat vocally). So I agreed a few weeks ago. And of coarse, when I'm most needed I get sick. 

I was so incredibly nervous tonight, practicing. I could barely hit some of the notes, and that's so embarrassing. I usually never have the problem, but of coarse, these are guys I barely know and its for a pretty important dinner. 

After the warm-up practice deal, I text a few friends and asked them to PRAYYY for my voice. I myself joined them.  I'm usually never nervous to do anything like this, never ever. But tonight, it was different. I'm used to looking out and seeing faces of comfort. Faces I know. Tonight, there were only a few faces I knew, and I didn't really know anyone on stage, except for Chris and Mike. Who knew how much comfort they could bring to me.

So yes, I was nervous. 

We eat dinner, I had a wonderful chat with Jonathan. He has an amazing story. I also saw a few of the girls from Campus Harvest!  That was exciting.

After dinner, there is a slide show and some history on the organization... and then we are asked to take the stage. 

Chris says a quick prayer, and the first few beats on the djembe begin. There's the strum on the guitar. I'm sitting there counting, waiting for my cue. There we go... its show time.

We sing, we're finish. Applause.

I get a few pats on the shoulder. Great job, whispered in my ear. I sit down... listen to the keynote speaker. There's a closing prayer and we're through!

However! I'm saying my goodbyes, and up walks Toni. She goes to our church, works with the praise team. Vocal coach with the philharmonic in Charlotte. Sings for musicals all the extremely professional vocal things.

She walks up to me, gives me a hug and looks me in the eye and says, "You've got a beautiful voice." AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you have any idea how happy that makes me!? Oh my gosh! Here I am, with NO professional teaching, I've only sang with the praise team and a few jam bands, and here is the professional telling me my voice is beautiful!!! Ahh! Oh my gosh, I'm floating. Needless to say. I've got this crazy splurt of confidence, that cannot be taken away. 

And to my friends... (you know who you are) thanks for praying with me!! You are amazing.

sick tuesdays.

When my throat started hurting last night, I should've known. 

I woke up this morning with an aching head, kind of clamy, and not being able to talk.

I fell back asleep, and woke up around 1, ate some soup and made it to the couch. Now I'm laying on the couch, watching King Of The Hill and really wanting some ice cream and a hug or two. 

Its cloudy out, so I don't have a tease to feel bad about lying around all day. 

I'd write more, but I can barely see straight or concentrate for more than five seconds.

"You've just been flow-served"

never let this stop.

Its amazing how when you stop looking for something it just falls into your lap...

laying in the grass

soaking up the sun

walking on the tracks

who knows what's to come.

-----

you and your tye dyed eyes

me and my hair in your face

hands intertwined

never wanting to say goodbye

twenty-one days and we'll be together,

we've done this before

sometimes it feels like forever,

trying to make sense

of this wide distance

not seeing the entire picture

but one things for sure,

neither of us have been happier

-----

my heart honestly cannot express how happy I am right now.

We Will Prevail, We Are Virginia Tech.

Its been a year. I remember exactly where I was and who I was with when I heard this terrible news. Actually, the people I was with, I haven't spoken with in months, how sad. 

We were on our Senior trip, in Orlando. The second day we were there, my friends Joe and Jared were from Lynchburg, and had friends that went to VTech. Joe, Jared, Joanna, Jean, Eric, Jared M and I were in line waiting to ride Peter Pan when Joe's mom called and broke the news to us. I was frozen, knowing that something this terrible had happened, the last major shooting I remember was Columbine, I was in 5th grade. This was so shocking. We all stopped in the middle of the line and prayed for the victims, students, teachers and family members that were living in terror watching it unfold on their television sets.

We went on that day, watched the fireworks, met the Princesses, ate cotton candy, just enjoying our time together... the last few weeks of high school. 

When we got back to our hotels we watched it all the happenings on TV, called our parents, and some of us were even trying to get a hold of friends that were at VTech. There was something about that day that tied us all together. What is it about a tragedy that unifies one another? What is it about tragedy that causes us to turn to a higher power? What causes us to fall on our knees and pray? No matter what you believe, you did hope the best for the students, victims and families of VTech that day. But why? Did you put yourself in that situation? Or maybe you had been there before, knowing the angst that your heart experiences and wishing that no one would ever experience that. Who knows why you decided to pray, I prayed because I know that my God will hear me and comfort those who need it. I know first hand that He sends a peace to your soul, and a grace to cope with the situation that is unexplainable. Only to be explained by the super-nature of God. 

I know that I have gotten off on a huge rabbit-trail, and that this is to remember the Hokies today, and I am remembering them. I also thought it a good opportunity to probe your mind a bit, asking why did you do what you did on April 16, 2007.

There's life after taxes.

Oh man, I'm finished with my Psychology! Please, dance with me! Please!

This is way exciting, because I'm finished, and if I ace this, I don't have to take the exam.

Uhh, its the 15th of April. Apparently I have to write a check to this agency called the IRS today. For twenty-seven dollars. What in the world? I'm an adult, how cool! I honestly didn't think that I would have to pay anything, just because I'm still a dependent and am a student. So why am I having to pay? Someone please help me figure this out. Oh well, I'm kinda mad about this. All I know is I am supposed to be getting 300 dollars back in May. So maybe this 27 won't hurt too bad.

Taxes are silly.

The end.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. Its going to be lots of fun. Dinosaurs, parks, and great company. (=

Maybe a llama or two? Oh yes. b^.^d

dear diary,

i'm so tired

love,

me

freeze-opoly.

So apparently only one convenience store in all of Charlotte sales freezies, (slushies, slurpies, icees, whatever you wish to call them). Its a freeze-opoly I tell you! Today Carmen, Heather and myself were "rebels" and ditched class. (well after we turned in our homework) Hit up the Fortune Cookie, got some food to go and went to the park on 7th and Hawthorne. Oh what a gorgeous day! Everything was perfect, well except for when Carmen decided to ditch us to do adult college things, but that's okay! 

So about the freezies. Since it was so incredibly warm, Heather and I decided we wanted something cold to cool us off. (book shopping can work up a sweat) So we decided to go to our local Sam's Mart and grab a freezie. But NO there were no freezies. To be exact every gas station (at least five) did not have any freezies. We went about fifteen minutes out of our way and finally found the "Freezie Mecca". Oh my, six different flavors of icy goodness, 16, 24, 32 and even 40 ounces! Everything you could imagine, (however nothing can compare to the wonder of Sheetz). It was amazing. So refreshing on such a warm day. 

That was my day, I just found out I am two-hundred dollars richer than I thought I was. Do you have any idea how much that excites me!?

I'm actually just rambling on tonight, because I have psychology homework to do. (I've been working on it for about two weeks now). I really need to finish it though, its due April 20, and that weekend I will have no time for homework. So I need to work on it now. Grawr. I just can't bring myself to concentrate. This is too much. Plus its basically Friday. (I had forgotten it was Friday, until I realized that I was in Downtown, which means its Thursday). I also get paid tomorrow... and I don't think this is worth posting.... basically because I'm rambling and probably boring you to tears.

I'll stop.

Oh man, those are home-schoolers.

          --Carmen

oh my,

I can't get enough of this guy called, Dallas Green (city & colour and alexisonfire). He's Canadian, but I enjoy it so much. (nothing against Canadians, you guys are cool). But seriously! Check out City & Colour on myspace or purevolume, imeem or last fm, whatever your little music seeking heart prefers. 

just a suggestion, if you'd like something mellow, with sweet lyrics.

"catch up day"

I've just been informed, that I woke up early for nothing. I'm sitting in my computer class, with only eight other people. Just finding out that today is "catch up day". This is the day where the ones who are uber slow at doing their labs and such can catch up with the rest of the class. I could be sleeping this headache off right now instead of being here. Gross.

On a lighter note, I enjoy waking up to the sun shining through my curtains and the sound of a lawn mower in the neighbors yard. It reminds me that it is springtime! Probably my favorite season. (not just because it hosts my birthday) But because its new life, the trees are just begining to grow their leaves to shade me this summer, the birds are going crazy singing all day and night and the flowers are starting to bloom in the most wonderful array of colors. Its just so happy.

There is a goose starring at me through the window right now, haha! This is amazing. That just made my day. The computer lab that I am in has these huge windows that open to the outside and there is a small pond with a fountain in the middle, such a tease on a beautiful day. On the other side of the classroom are huge windows that look out into the hallways. This building has some of the coolest architecture ever. Especially to be just a "community college". (I'm not going to lie, but I'm pretty sure its bigger than Demoss at LU.)

So my teacher is giving me the stare down, wondering why my typing is so steady... so I should go. I'm just really bored, and thought I would write.
Enjoy this wonderful day!

the sun finally said "hello"!

my day was amazing.

the sun came by, and stayed for a while. hopefully to return tomorrow.

goodnight loves.

patience.

Lord please consume my heart with your patience.

Praying for God's will is rough, unsure of what He has planned for me is nerve-wrecking. I'm praying for patience in my friendships, life, schooling and my relationship. Patience is something that I have never fully learned. Living in America today does not help very much either. 

We want what we want (or think we need), when we want it and most of the time it is "right now". I am trying to break that "right now" attitude and wait on God. His timing is perfect, and hasn't let me down yet. He has everything planned, and I am freaking out over the most petty things. I need to step back and understand that He has the best plan for my life, and I can do nothing to avert that. Please pray for me, as I am taking this journey in learning patience. This is incredibly tough, and sometimes I want to give up and do what my flesh tells me. I know this is not a very wise choice, I know that when I wait it will only be ten times better, and I will be ready for what is thrown at me.

Praying for an outcome in a relationship, is tough, but I'm willing to endure these few days, weeks or months for the outcome that my God has in store for us.

Its also 2 am,  I've been running on my Bible and journal for at least the last hour and a half, I have written over six pages of prayer in my journal, this is how important this is to me. 

I'm asking you, my friend to pray for me, that I will receive the Lord's patience and understand that "good things come to those that wait."

too much hazelnut in my burnt coffee

I love hazelnut and coffee, preferably hazelnut coffee. However, not when the coffee is six hours old, and there is way too much hazelnut flavoring. Normally my coffee is great, however this trip has made me quite sad.

I'm sitting in my psychology class, every Monday night from 6 pm until 8:50 pm. That's right, no dinner and two hours and fifty minutes being wasted inside a cold, green room, with huge windows that tease me with the outside. Needless to say, my teacher is a bit out there. He's always cursing, which, doesn't bother me very much, I just don't find it professional or needed. I keep holding onto the fact that I only have three more Mondays, how exciting! I am going to think about taking another three hour class next semester.

I enjoy watching people, I learn a lot and see how funny they can be. Much better than television will ever be, even reality TV. Because, let's face it, reality TV is certainly not real. There is this one boy who comes in at least forty-five minute late each class, slams the door and walks all the way around the room and finally sits down and falls asleep. Which the longer he is asleep, the longer the peace is kept in this class. You know its bad, when the students in the class will work together to sit beside each other, so that when he comes in none of us will have to sit by him. (Its teamwork, try it out sometime)

I just found this, and thought it was hilarious... please I hope you found it as funny as I did.

Anyway, this is my psychology class blog, I'm drinking burnt coffee and freezing. Wrapped in my hoodie and staring out the window, and constantly reassuring myself that I have ADD.

such an ugly day.

I don't like not feeling pretty.

Lately, un-pretty is the reflection the mirror has given me. Not necessarily ugly,  just not pretty. Maybe its because there is nothing beautiful around me, the sky has been nothing but a strange grey shade for at least seven days now and spiritually nothing is happening. Hopefully this week will be better. 

I need something beautiful to awaken me, I'm dry, uninspired, worn out and stretched so thin. 

I'd like a holiday, preferably one with lots of sunlight, and water. No cell phone, or computer, just music and a few close friends. Who's in? 

gummy bears... haha.

I have never seen so many milkshakes made in my life.

work was insane, needless to say.

I'm sleepy tonight, just getting off the phone, looking over some piano-y things, and then going to bed. I'm trying this new thing- where I read my Bible when I wake up in the morning and before I go to bed. Its cool, like starting out with Jesus, and ending with Him too. It makes my heart very happy, you should try it. [=

I also have this crazy craving for gummy bears now, Tim was telling me about eating them while listening to Rancid... and now... I'd like a few, minus the Rancid. 

Incase you haven't noticed, my "journal/blog" deal is a basic stream of consciousness... maybe, if you're lucky, you'll get a profound statement from me, but don't count on it. I also just noticed that each of my little paragraphs have started with the letter "I"... Coolness.

FYI. Plane tickets are expensive. =\ (it will be okay though, we'll figure it out. b^.^d)

Apparently the Heels lost tonight... I don't keep up with sports, but this is kind of sad, because its a North Carolina team, and being my home.. I shall mourn along with all the other UNC fans. 

and our hearts are on the everglow

James River, September 2007

James River, Sept. 2007

James River, Sept 2007

Surfside Peir, Surfside Beach, SC- July 2007

Lynchburg,VA- October 2007

March 2008

May 2007

Daytona Beach, FL- April 2007

James River,  Sept. 2007

all of the previous pictures are mine, please don't take them without asking me first.

Sometimes I think my parents lied to me about the year I was born. I feel I'm much older than I am, eighteen? are you sure?

I think way too much about getting out of this place, I want to travel, see the world. Even see America, I hear its really pretty in some parts. 

You know those songs that you could listen to forever, and never get sick of them? This is what  Mae has been doing to me, I've listened to them constantly for about a month now, and no matter how much I listen to them, I still can't get enough. Oh Mae, you make my heart so happy.

I'm eating birthday cake icecream, but no worries, its double churned so its lower fat! (whatever that means, it just makes me feel better). I was thinking today, wouldn't it be cool to be able to pull of red lipstick? Classic.

I have to work tonight, 3-1030 this does not excite me, because I don't think anyone I like works tonight... Oh well, I'll deal.

The sun hasn't shown itself in days, I'm beginning to feel that it never will. 

Shout out time.

Thanks to Tim for the cool title.

"Wayne On"

A Disclaimer for the few That Read

This is my newest blog, I've had many before... who knows how many to come.

I was reading some of my old blogs and noticed how un-important my "problems" really were. But at that moment, it was the most important problem in my life. But come to think of it, perhaps in five years, the things I write about in this blog will have the very same "bad taste in my mouth" and I will be embarrassed to know that I wrote it. So as I am just breaking the spine to my new "online journal" please know that this is just my life. Whatever goes on here, is what I think about and am not scared to share with you. This is all in my head, so don't allow it to offend or scare you and please for you best interest don't take it very seriously.

Lets start out with some facts:

Name- Emily

Age- 18

Birthday- May 22

School- Central Piedmont Community College

Current Residence- Monroe 

Living With- Parents and sister

Dreams- go on tour with a band, travel the world, get married, have children, meet my Jesus, graduate college                     and find out what I want to do with my life.

 

Starting out with this new blog, gives me a whole new perspective, I can decide where I want this to go. Should this be strictly for my writing? Or should I be able to tell you what is going on in my life? Should I let you know every gory detail about my latest zit? Or introduce you to my newest addiction? Where should I draw the line on this blog? I'm not sure if I can give you an answer, yet. But maybe in the near future. I can let you know that you don't have to worry about hearing about my zits, because, believe it or not I have more important things to think on, like why are my feet cold? and things like that. 

Just to warn you, I am random and in my writings you will see that no doubt. I am also sarcastic and can be quite dry at times. So please keep that in the back of your mind as well. 

Also! Keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times, buckle up and enjoy the ride.

So that last line was cheesy, yes I know. I'm sorry, I will try to refrain from ever saying that again. Please don't hold it against me.

Can I interest you in my life?

(oh yes please! I'd love to hear)

So my life, is very average. Except I know some people in a few bands and really like art. Today was a rainy day, and I am practically sucking the fumes of the floor of my gas tank. Never the less I still wake up in the morning and go to school.

I was on my front porch today, wrapped up in my amazing pink blanket and just thinking... I've been doing this a lot lately. Just thinking. About everything basically... my current relationships and where I want them to go, why I have broken off other friendships, school, stressing myself out with having no money, debating on waking up the next morning just because life can be so testy.

Then I hear this beautiful chirp, and then another, then two more followed by a higher chirp and a lower chirp. I look up into the trees and see birds, I think to myself... its raining! Why would the birds be out on such a sleepy day? Why are they singing today? There is no reason to be cheerful. And then I started thinking about how they don't have to worry about anything! They have an endless amount of food, they have friends, they don't have to worry about buying things... their biggest concern is the hawk that lives in my back yard. I wish I could be carefree like a bird. Not careless, but carefree... and I know that I can if I could just give up my problems. God probably laughs at me daily, just like I laughed at my old bloggings. To think that if I could swallow my pride and give everything up to Him, He would surely take care of it. Money for gas, new tires, an oil change, some good study time for my test, more energy to go through out the day on, even a new job. 

We are told to not worry about tomorrow, and to not fret over what we will eat or drink. God has provided and will provide for me and you, if only we are able to give it up and let God take control. This is my current problem, allowing God to help me. I want to be so independent, that I don't want to ask for help, but my independence really is a pride, that I need to rid myself of. I should really start praying more often, and trusting God, but sometimes its just so hard to trust in something you can't see.