the morning coffee

I've just discovered how to program my coffee pot to brew at a certain time. (its quite amazing by the way) There is something to starting my day off with a great cup of coffee, I can't quite put my finger on it. I kinda feel very mature and adult-like, I should, I am nineteen. ;) I digress. I prepare the pot of coffee before I retire for the evening (haha) and in the morning, I have a warm cup of coffee, not to mention a tantalizing aroma to wake me softly and ensure me the day is going to be grand. Also! With my coffee in the morning... I'm going to start to read some-- either my Bible or a book... (C.S. Lewis perhaps? I've slacked in the reading area of my life lately... I need to go back over his books... so full of truth and thought). But yes! I'm quite excited... I'm going to try to get to  sleep at a decent time... (1230, 1?) so I can wake up earlier and have a full day to enjoy. I'm feeling lazy and complacent... I do the same thing every day... I think this is why I am hesitant about making a decision on my major... because I know that I will be stuck in the same routine for the rest of my life, and I cannot handle that... Typing this tonight has been very soothing... Today brought on a few ups and downs... I was pretty happy and then all seemed to have fallen, after a few reassuring words, everything was happy again though... I think that is the quickest change of moods I've ever been through...I just realized that use a lot of "..." Its because I really am not sure where to end the paragraph and begin another and how to end sentences... basically this post if a stream on consciousness...

I finally got my jewelry tree tonight-

I'm devastated (yes, its an intense word.. but that's what my heart felt when they didn't have it in store or online... it was going to be perfect! tie my whole room together... i'm so sad)... they don't have the canvas I want anymore...

Btw... My room is going to be amazing... I'm going to have a party in my room... just so you can see it...

Thank you Urban Outfitters.

I'm finally 19!

"How about I call you when you're a bit older..." - Tim around 11:15 pm. on May 21.

From a hotel bed.

I really would like to see the sea today, however, we are packing up getting back into the truck and heading on down to Florida.

I should keep updating this, while on my travels... makes me sound cool, right?

Savannah, GA, this is my first time staying the night in Georgia... it was nice. Pretty warm today, maybe we'll get some peaches. Too bad I really don't like them.

Panic is a strange thing, keep my dad in your prayers. Today is his birthday too. He's having a hard time realizing that everything is okay. I know its the enemy trying to ruin our family time, we really never get a big vacation like this, so this is an opportune time to spread fear in his mind.

Just pray.

Hopefully last night was the only night.

Much love.

What Sarah Said

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time

As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409

And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today

As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye

It stung like a violent wind that out memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds

But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all

And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room

Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news

And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads

But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?

This is a song from Death Cab for Cutie. I've been listening to this over and over, trying to decide if I think this is true. "Love is watching someone die"  but die in what way? Peaceful- sure, I actually watched my Papa pass on June 17, 2004, that's a day I will never forget. But what about those painful, unbearable deaths. No matter how much I loved someone, I don't want that to be my last memory of them. 

What if the person you loved wasn't saved, and you couldn't do anything to help? Could you watch them die? Knowing what they will endure for all eternity. Could you seriously watch that person die?

Mr. Gibbard, your lyrics are impeccable sometimes and other times I see you have no hope. That's sad. 

I know that this blog is called "Inspiration for the Uninspired"... hmm, lately I'm sure my posts haven't been very inspiring, being about death and all the crazyness of my life right now. I apologize, I'm sure I'll get something inspiring here soon. 

On a lighter note, I'm heading to Florida tomorrow. Going to Orlando, meet some superheros and whatnot. I'm pretty excited and all... I just hope I can handle my family for this time, sometimes I need a vacation from my vacation to recoop from them.

I just realized

That I really miss being on my own... being able to just pick up and go with friends...
Why was I so blind?

I still am working on forgiving myself.

I'm okay, everything is going to work out.
:D

please God, anyone but Obama.

I'm terrified of what could happen to this country.

almost too perfect.

My political science final was decent, I think. I feel I did okay on it. Tomorrow is computer, that class is a joke, and I know the final will be too. However, Anthropology on Thursday is up in the air, I just don't know. I've been unsure of that class all semester though, so I'm not going to freak out so much.

As of right now, everything seems to be falling into place. Everything seems to be perfect. I'm fine with that, but normally this means that I'm in for it just around the corner. I don't know what it is, but somethings going to happen- its that whole "calm before the storm" aspect of life. Then again, I could be over thinking this way too much. Tim is coming down this weekend! I'm so excited! Its going to be great, then I go to Florida next Tuesday. I just can't put my finger on it... maybe I should just live in the now, and deal with what ever when it happens.

I'm pumped about this weekend, I hate that its finals week though. I want this to fly by, just so this weekend will come faster... its kinda hard to focus. I should be okay though. :D

I voted on Saturday, for the primary... today you could vote too. I can't believe that people deliberately don't vote. Just because they don't like any of the candidates or don't have enough time. This is your right, your freedom, come on people vote! If you aren't going to vote, I certainly don't want to hear you complaining about our president or government state. I hate getting all political, but this really hit home today... I can't believe anyone would give up the chance to at least put a dent in their future.

Sorry guys, it just really burns me.

freak out.

its finals week... these past two weeks have been insanely busy, don't expect an update.
i'm just kinda freaked about this poli sci final, essays and short answer and multiple choice and government is not my forte. its my first final, its also the most brutal...

help.

oh summertime.

Tonight was just a preview of what my summer is going to be like.
JD and Scout are visiting from Norfolk! Jonathan and Michelle (parents) are in MIssissippi, Jonathan is doing training with the Seals. Meaning, we get to see the kids! These kids are some of the sweetest, most beautiful and loving people I have ever met! I step out of my car tonight and immediately JD runs and jumps into my arms... oh how a child can make you feel loved.
This is my favorite picture of the night...


Tonight I was able to chat with Matt for a while, he's real big into graphic design and all the fun stuff, he said he's interested in some of my ideas... and is going to let me use he's editing software! And! My uncle is going to let me borrow his Canon Rebel XT 35 mm to see how I like, (hopefully... I can buy it from them) I just need a better scanner... :D