sometimes I disgust myself.

I can't believe that I have let myself get so caught up in this distance. YES! It is so incredibly hard, and YES! I should be able to be sad because I don't get to see him as much as I'd like... but seriously... I shouldn't allow not talking for a day or two get me down... I understand that our schedules are off and not very convenient for any type of conversation... Its so tough... Today was especially hard, just like last week... I start to doubt, and that is not good. I've been reassured that nothing has changed... but its just so hard for my mind to grasp that. I know its because it will be three months before we see each other... I was prepared for this, I knew what was coming... I just didn't think it would be this rough...

What disgust me is when I hear other girls talk about how great their guy is... how they spent the weekend or went to lunch... but then I look at their relationships and see how surface they are and how they probably couldn't go 5 hours with out seeing each other or holding hands or sucking face.

I just need to get over it.

I know! that our times together are the sweetest times. I know that come August everything is going to be amazing... and this school year will be the best yet... I'm just stuck in a trough... and can't really seem to get out of this self-pity stage of my relationship... I want someone to understand... I just can't find anyone who will take the time and just listen to me... Anytime I try to talk to anyone its always compared to their relationship, or friendship with someone... I don't want advice... really... not now... I just need someone to listen...

On top of all of this work has been pretty shitty. No lie. I really don't mind the office job, but I know for sure that I don't want to do it for the rest of my life.

There is this lady... I prefer to call her "Hawk"... Apparently there isn't enough work for her to do... so she has to make sure I'm doing something... and will not leave me alone... today... I spent my lunch in tears because I can't handle it... I had no idea she was like this either... 

I just don't enjoy it very much at all.. feeling like I have to stand up to a certain standard... when I honestly am there to direct phone calls.

I think I am very professional, for a 19 year old atleast...

!!!!!!!!