This has been the longest week of my life.
An emotional rollercoaster... and now... everything is better.
EVERYTHING is better.

*sigh of relief*

Only 6 more days of work... and 8 days until that visit.

my tongue's the only muscle in my body that works harder than my heart.

Sometimes I feel that my mind works harder than my heart and tongue together. I've been having major doubting issues lately. With everything. Its been absolute hell, basically. It seems as if every time I try to buckle down, study my Bible, put forth an effort to learn about God... doubt creeps in... something goes wrong. My mind thinks 50 billion different things... all discouraging. Never uplifting, confirming or calming.

I feel I have become too dependent on some people in my life, I'm being forced to understand that I can't always talk to them, when I can't talk to them, my brain finds it right to start saying these terrible things.

In return I get angry, sad, I cry. I never cry... but times like this I do. 

This is not me. This has never been me. I can't seem to get through this, I need to get over this. I've prayed for confirmation, peace, right words to say and patience for when to say those words... but everything backfires... right back into my face... like 

      "here Emily, this is your heart, we know what you truly care about... you've put lots of time into it haven't ya? well... since you've done that... we're just going to sow some doubt in there... oh yeah.. how about a little blame too? and to top it off... anger."

I'm filling my journal with all my thoughts... this is a very vague scenario of my week so far...

just so frustrating.

I'm so glad my summer will end with a much needed visit.

its storming. i'm house sitting. the power went out. NOT GOOD.

for the record.

I found The Dark Knight amazing.
Dark.
The comic relief was superb.
Intense.
Scary.
Heath Ledger was a spectacular Joker.
By-far the most intriguing Batman... I actually watched the whole movie.

make our hearts bold as lions.

I've been praying quite a bit the past few days... God is amazing, I wish I had other words to describe Him, right now... this is all I have

Thank you Jesus.

a quite transparent post.

heal my heart and make it clean

open up my eyes to the things unseen

show me how to love,

like You've loved me

break my heart for what breaks Yours

everything I have for Your Kingdom's cause

as I walk from earth into eternity.

hosanna, hosanna, hosanna in the highest.

(brooke fraser)

I'm leading this song tomorrow morning for our praise and worship, I learned it at Liberty and it is probably one of my favorite battle-cry worship songs... 

I see a generation, 

rising up to take their place...

with selfless faith.

I see a near revival

stirring as we pray and seek

we're on our knees...

I'm praying that this song will come to pass, that we will rise a generation that loves the Lord, not just because we feel like we have to, but simply because we want to. PLEASE! I'm begging you to pray with me, that we will take the true heart of these simple lyrics... understand them to the fullest and then live out what they say.

... break my heart for what breaks yours...

      I will be the first to admit, there are something that should kill me even being around it... I've become less and less sensitive to things, blamed it on "it's not my conviction..." when it should convict my heart, and deep down it does... and I know if breaks my Father's heart, I pray I will become less-numb to the things that should break my heart...

There's no doubt in my mind that I was made to worship with song... 

  I was given this voice for a reason... to proclaim my Jesus' name... all the days of my life.

let cool and enjoy.

I just proved that I can cook... I'm so excited.

I've added bread-making to my random list of goodies that I can make!!! 

Mmm. I'm so excited, I wish I could upload the smell... its fantastic.

I was given this recipe along with starter batter 10 days ago! And daily you add, mash and do different things to the batter... finally on day 10... mix, add flour, eggs, milk, cinnamon and all these other ingredients to make a delightful snack... I'm so proud!

"Do you think I'm gulli-bull or even a gulli-calf?" oh Wayne's World.

I realized this week that my summer is winding down extremely fast, and its also flown by... everything that has happened (either spoken of here... or kept in my heart) has just made my summer so incredibly amazing, EVERYTHING has worked out and been so perfect. 

I'm so excited for what this next semester will bring... 

Paper Route- amazing. Can't stop listening to them, they are amazing... and should have more credit... what talent.

Krista spent the night, and we saw The Dark Knight... both were absolutely amazing... I'm not big on Hollyweird, or celebrities, but Heath Ledger was a true artist, and absolutely brought the Joker to life. I applaud him.

I'm so happy with everything right now,  its all so great.

"I'm gonna be frank, okay... can I still be Garth?"

freaking myspace.

did you know? before you go to sleep at night there is one person thinking of you. They want you they want to kiss you, They want to be with you they are always thinking about you before they go to sleep at night they are longing to be with you. This is all true not a fake if you repost this to in 5 mins the person that is longing to be with you will approach you in a month and ask you out or grab you and kiss the face off you.

hahahahahahahaha. that was totally just a myspace bulletin that i read...

how sad.

fabulous weekend

oh I have great friends... This whole week has been completely packed with work and right after work, hanging out with the girls.

fantastic.

I've been so incredibly inspired this week... going to different cities, and drinking tons of coffee and talking- tons and tons of talking. Learning and giving opinions, mending broken hearts and figuring out what life holds... just a fantastic week, it reminds me that I'm alive.

Thursday night Heather and I went to see the boys play in Mt. Holly, about an hour away from here? Philmont was great, they played with two other bands... Our Hearts Hero and High Flight Society (they had the coolest merch booth)... I just love sitting and watching the people enjoy the music, and afterwards talking with the guys in the band, and their girlfriends/wives... its great its what I've dreamed about since I was young... 

Friday night, I met Heather at Caribou, we surprised Carmen! Who gave us some free coffee... (wahoo!) it never happens to me... but this time... Carmen loves us sooo much... and there was noone else there... so we sat on the couches and chairs and just chatted... like old times... haha...

Heather and I made cow masks for free food from chick-fil-a!! Wahoo... I have eaten free ALLL day long.. :D so amazing.

We brought our food back to Caribou and enjoyed it with Carmen... and just chilled...

Afterwards Heather and I checked out looked at canvases and paints! Picking out colors for my canvas that Heather and Carmen (and I'm going to try) to paint! I'm so excited... its going to be grand... We went to World Market... they have fantastic foods, couches, scarves, wall hangings, wine glasses and such there... and I saw Jared... I haven't seen him in quite sometime... so we were able to catch up and chat for a bit...

I was pleased to find out the fountain is working again at Sycamore Commons, so we grabbed a park bench and just talk about our men and our lives... It has been such a great weekend.

and today, I got a package with a letter from Tim!!!!!!! I can't stop smiling.

wow.

these are birds... amazing creatures... watch this video.

...my soul sings, my soul sings, how I love You!...

Hallelujah Jesus!



on another note... today is Ringo Starr's birthday?
he requested "peace and love" for his birthday...
so...
peace!

wow. God had the most amazing fire-work display last night! it was insane and crazy, and beautiful... screw real fire-works... 

I've had an amazing weekend, and have felt pretty great.

bug bites

sun burn

campfires

starlight

--basically what my fourth consisted of  :) I enjoyed every single moment of it

its nice to be away from these silly distractions for a few days, I was able to layout, swim and read for hours! and I was still only 5 minutes from my house... I'd like to do this every weekend... who wants to come next?

score!

This morning I went to Starbucks and learned they have my favorite drink in low-cal!
This is probably the happiest morning of my life.

:)

"The only time a guy's guard is completely down

is with the woman he loves,

So she can pierce his heart like no one else"

- Shaunti Feldhan