Sometimes I feel that my mind works harder than my heart and tongue together. I've been having major doubting issues lately. With everything. Its been absolute hell, basically. It seems as if every time I try to buckle down, study my Bible, put forth an effort to learn about God... doubt creeps in... something goes wrong. My mind thinks 50 billion different things... all discouraging. Never uplifting, confirming or calming.
I feel I have become too dependent on some people in my life, I'm being forced to understand that I can't always talk to them, when I can't talk to them, my brain finds it right to start saying these terrible things.
In return I get angry, sad, I cry. I never cry... but times like this I do.
This is not me. This has never been me. I can't seem to get through this, I need to get over this. I've prayed for confirmation, peace, right words to say and patience for when to say those words... but everything backfires... right back into my face... like
"here Emily, this is your heart, we know what you truly care about... you've put lots of time into it haven't ya? well... since you've done that... we're just going to sow some doubt in there... oh yeah.. how about a little blame too? and to top it off... anger."
I'm filling my journal with all my thoughts... this is a very vague scenario of my week so far...
just so frustrating.
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